Navigating Solitude: Finding Peace in Solo Adventures

How do you do that alone? I wish I could do what you do. Aren't you afraid? Don't you get lonely? I'm jealous of your adventures. Where do you go to the bathroom? You are living your best life!

These are the questions and comments I frequently receive. Honestly, many of them puzzle me. However, I suppose that's understandable. After all, I am straight-up pursuing my own interests, so the language that carries limitations is beyond my usual thought repertoire.

For those who ask and those who might be inclined to wonder, I will address some of these questions and comments below.

"I wish I could do that."

"I'm jealous of your adventures."

Simply put, you can, if you truly want to. These types of statements are often an attempt to transfer personal disappointment. We all make choices in this life. None is more or less important than the other. If you wish to do it, really wish to do it, then you can do it. Maybe not today, but it can be planned and prioritized. I have wanted to do many of the things I am now doing for decades. Importantly, it is very much okay to admire something without feeling the need to do it oneself. Feeling jealous or wishing for something is often a sign that we are not doing something we want to do, we are fighting some internal fears or we are not making ourselves as happy as we deserve. It is deeply connected to our habit of living for the pleasure or perceived approval of others. If we feel a sense of lack, even if we have an abundance of possessions, wealth, and time, it is important to acknowledge this. An excess can lead to a sense of deficiency when it predominantly revolves around things that do not align with our genuine desires or authentic self. I love it when I hear myself saying something like "I wish..." because it is a call to the self to look, listen, notice and act in my best interest. My wish for you, is to notice what words you say. These are gifts for you from you. Feel free to unwrap them.

Life isn't easy, but it can be good. It's important to differentiate between the two. No one's life is easy, but we have the power to make it good. When feelings of jealousy arise, take the time to explore them. Identify the experience that triggers jealousy and evaluate if it's something you truly desire. If it resonates with you, find ways to incorporate that into your life. Ultimately, dwelling in jealousy is a waste of emotional energy.

"How do you do that alone?"

I do the things I decide to do through research, paying attention to my own desires, and paying attention to my surroundings. I consistently acknowledge my fears and the actual potential dangers, placing them at their appropriate level of importance. By evaluating the real risks in typical everyday life and recognizing that life inherently involves risks, I am able to take risks. Personally, I prefer facing normal risks while engaging in activities that bring me the most personal happiness. For instance, commuting to and from work poses a significant inherent danger, yet it doesn't provide much joy. Why isn't that the primary concern for everyone?

"Aren't you afraid?" 

Yes, sometimes I am unsure. Whenever I venture off the familiar path and step into the unknown, my anxiety spikes. I feel completely out of my element. The urge to retreat and escape often arises. However, I've come to realize that most of the time, it's just my ego causing obstacles. In that rare 1% scenario, I pay attention. I've discovered the importance of trusting my intuition because it is usually right. The real challenge lies in differentiating between my true intuition, my ego, and the fears imposed by various internal and external influences.

"Don't you get lonely?"  

I do. Not often but yes. I also get lonely sitting on my couch watching TV. And, let me be honest, I do a lot of that, I just don't take pictures of it and post about it. I doom scoll with the best of us. The great thing is, I don't only do those things. Lonely is not a feeling I am neither unfamiliar nor uncomfotable with. It is a feeling I embrace because it is in loneliness I can learn more about myself and become closer to myself as my greatest companion.

Get lonely until it makes you squirm and want to run. Sit in it and through it. It is in the lonley that we understand with whom we want to spend our time. It is my hope for you that you see that one of the people you enjoy spending time with is in fact you. The more I pushed through the lonely the more I attracted the people who bring me the most joy. And the greater joy I found in most people. Seeing my own truest self allows me to see that in others as well and people just become more enjoyable. As a bonus, spending time alone allowed me to recognize the individuals who made me feel lonely when I was in their company. This insight is quite valuable.

"Where do you go to the bathroom?"

I love a practical question! Traveling in a van gets you much more comfortable with your own bodily functions and needs. I do have a toilet in my van, so that helps a ton. I have also gotten quite, albeit not completely, comfortable with using nature in this manner. I approach this practice with a deep respect for the environment and those with whom I share it. I find showers in a variety of places. There are actually apps for that. Forcing oneself to a more simple and interdependent existence is one of the greatest things we can do for ourselves and our understanding of how we impact the world that sustains us.

"You are living your best life!" 

Is there a better way to live? I haven't always lived my very best life, and I don't always do so (aforementioned doom scrolling). I believe that any existence could be perceived as "better" or "worse". It comes down to focus. I make a conscious decision to see each moment as the best moment. If I desire change, I take action. It could be a minor adjustment or a significant leap, but the essence remains the same. It's about taking charge of our own life rather than surrendering to others, circumstances, or weaknesses. A simple yet powerful way to envision our best life is by paying attention to what makes us spontaneously smile and incorporating more of that into each day. Likewise, identifying sources of discomfort, pain, anger, or sadness and eliminating them is necessary. This can be a challenging practice, especially when it involves people in our lives, but letting go is sometimes necessary. So often it is the absense of a boundary that has been needed and maybe discouraged by the people in our lives. Ultimately, it's all a matter of choice, even when it may not seem apparent.

Embarking on solo adventures, whether they take us far from home or simply to a new place or event in our own town, provides the chance for self-discovery, reflection, personal development, and ultimately joy. It's not necessary to start with something grand, although that's perfectly fine too! For me, it all began with a solo night out at a local jazz club. Believe me, I came up with 50 excuses to avoid that short trip, and I had to push myself to go through with it. But what I found when I was there was non stop smiles on my face and that is the greatest reward.

Navigating solitude creates the chance to truly listen to our thoughts and feelings allowing for more confidence and space to try it again and learn more. It is a positive cycle. Without the distractions or, if you are like me, worry of pleasing others ("is he ready to leave?" "is she having fun?" "She looks tired, I better do..."), we can tune into our inner voice and gain a better understanding of our desires, fears, and aspirations. This self-reflection can lead to clarity and insight, helping us make decisions or work through any challenges.

Personally, nature plays a sustantial role in my solo adventures, offering me a sense of tranquility and awe-inspiring beauty. Immersing oneself in the natural world can have a calming effect on the mind, body and soul. Whether it's the gentle rustle of leaves in a forest or the vast expanse of a serene lake, nature has a way of soothing the soul and reminding us of the beauty that exists both in and around us. And also it is totally cool if that is not your thing! Do YOUR thing. I have found I also love exploring cities as much as I love exploring nature. There is no right way to adventure.

Solo adventures provide an opportunity to step out of our comfort. These experiences offer a unique opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and rejuvenation. By navigating solitude and finding peace in our solo experiences, we can reconnect with ourselves, embrace the beauty of nature, thrive in the energy of an unknown city and cultivate a sense of inner peace and excitement. And the practice of spending time with ourselves can truely enhance our relationships with others.

You asked the questions. My answers boil down to, go ahead, step out of your comfort zone, embark on a solo adventure, and revel in the beauty of solitude. Compare yourself and your adventure to no other. These are yours and yours alone. There is no one to please but yourself.